There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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