Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He better not be in your backpack
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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