Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
