idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
