i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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