After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
