She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
