I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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