so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
