you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
