We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
