Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
