I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
