I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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