i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
