he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
