??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize