is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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