I'm jealous of your bromance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
