i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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