Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
