I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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