I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
pray to the hookup gods
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
