what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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