my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
