Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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