somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
