I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
