all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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