thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
