This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
