What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
