glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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