Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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