New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize