I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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