I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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