I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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