Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
