I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
