R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
