Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
