Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
