Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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