his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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