Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
