I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Man, jail baloney is awful.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
