Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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