i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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