I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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