She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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