I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
