thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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