You're so nebulous sometimes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
