Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
