I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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