yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize