I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
