This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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