You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
