This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
