It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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