Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
