He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
