pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
