At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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