Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
