the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
