the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
