Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
