I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
