did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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