I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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