3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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