I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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