is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
