there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
