Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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