I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
