Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize