People in love make me want to vomit
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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