i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
