Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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