Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
