i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
