: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
