That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
