I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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