I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
