I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize