Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
