So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
