Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
