He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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