She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
