I got chris browned last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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