Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
