in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
