Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
