I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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