Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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