Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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