all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
