We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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