You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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