Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
