You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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