Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
