I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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