That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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