The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
