as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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