mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
