well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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