...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
